What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 29.06.2025 10:12
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
When she asked me how she looked .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
What are the downsides of OpenAI's chain-of-thought approach in the o1 model?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
One cannot live in the past .
Geomagnetic storm could make northern lights visible in Chicago on Sunday night - Chicago Sun-Times
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
20-Year Mystery of The Muon's Wiggle May Finally Be Solved - ScienceAlert
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
What are the best Jewish jokes?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I write beautiful poetry .
I was very sick at this time too.
Geopolitics Just Slapped the Oil Market Awake - Crude Oil Prices Today | OilPrice.com
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
SpaceX knocks out another national security launch while ULA faces scrutiny - Yahoo
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
(And it was in our own minds.)
HIV Drugs Linked to Lower Alzheimer’s Risk - Neuroscience News
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Jared Isaacman’s Plans For NASA - NASA Watch
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
So whats the point in blame.
This is soul school!.
US Steel Sale to Nippon Steel Poised To Close After Trump Deal - Bloomberg.com
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He knew the spot.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
What are the reasons behind China and Russia's reluctance to integrate into the global economy?
Who then, do I blame.?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Watch These Broadcom Stock Price Levels After Post-Earnings Slide - Investopedia
I was 9 years of age.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I don,t even have a pension.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She was in good health!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
We were not on the streets..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Put me off passion for life!!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But it wasn’t much.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I couldn’t, believe it.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I said to her
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Im still living with it.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Comes on , in middle age.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She found it foreign!.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
All the time i was locked up.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I waited trembling.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
We all went to grammer schools
I will be 64.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
My life is so biszare .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She wouldn,t have been !
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
What did i know ?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She loved him until the end.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Would this be the day?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I have no regrets .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
It was going to be , some day.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
And i lived it daily.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Especially a lifetime of it.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
She married twice! .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I could never make a relationship work though!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
So, i spoilt her more .
I was scared of men, in general
My family never makes their pension either.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But, we were locked up after school.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Ive learnt so much.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I was seconnd youngest,
Why did i forgive my father ?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I think the readers, may guess!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)